An X-Factor Rant. Forgive Me.

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X-Factor

I am apologizing now for this but I just need to get this out of my system. From the years of 2004-2009 I was a die hard American Idol fan. Yes this is embarrassing, I am aware. For those six years I was glued to my TV making my own little comments about who I thought I would win each season. And not to brag but I picked Carrie Underwood to win season 4 from her first audition. I’m currently looking for a job Simon Cowell. Call me.

The AI season 8 winner was the 2nd “White Guy With Guitar” winner in a row. The title is pretty self explanatory. After season 8, I decided to stop my weird obsession with the show because I was so heartbroken that Adam Lambert lost. I won’t even tell you how many times I called in to vote for him. Let’s just say I painted my nails black the next day to mourn his loss.

Since then, American Idol is now on WGWG winner #5 going through season 11. I don’t even want to list them on here because it’s not worth the words and really, no one cares anymore. But really, no one actually cares.

Last night on X-Factor I had high hopes that little Carly Rose would take home the title. How could ANYONE resist her precious little face and unfathomable voice? But of course, WGWG strikes again and Tate Stevens won the show. THAT MAKES SIX WHITE GUYS WITH GUITARS AMERICA. SIX.

How do you NOT vote for that face?

How do you NOT vote for that face?

I didn’t watch X-Factor last year and really only watched this year because 1) I love the UK version and 2) the Princess of Pop herself, Mizz Britney Spears was a judge. I decided to give them a chance but after watching another WGWG win, I am officially done. Forever. Goodbye Simon Cowell, we had a good run together.

If you didn’t watch the show, here is a quick recap of things I thought were worthwhile.

  • The finalists each had “congratulations” videos from their friends and family. I literally cried at every single one. So did Britney Spears so I don’t feel as stupid anymore.
  • There was a montage of Brit Brit’s best faces of the season. Definitely worth the $15 mil they handed over to her purely for those 30 seconds of greatness.
  • Carly Rose and Tate Stevens sang Miley Cyrus’ “The Climb.” First I was loving when Carly was singing it, then I started laughing hysterically when Tate did. Who in their right mind makes a 37 year old male sing Miley Cyrus? Simon Cowell that’s who.
  • Pitbull performed. I muted the TV for obvious reasons.
  • One Direction performed. I fangirled over how adorable and British they are.
  • Khloe Kardashian was looking good at the start of the show with a lace green dress. Then she decided to change into a leather one. A leather dress looks good on no one.
  • Carly wasn’t around when they did the finale scene. My guess is that Brit Brit was comforting her backstage saying “Don’t worry sweetie, I have the new ‘…Baby One More Time’ already on hold for you as your first single.”
  • The above comment is a joke. I pray to Oprah that didn’t actually occur.

I’m sure Tate Stevens will do fine in the country world. For about a year, year and a half tops. Then another WGWG will come along and steal his limelight. That’s just what WGWG’s do. Gotta keep ’em rotating to keep ’em fresh.

Carly Rose, I will most definitely be buying your album when it comes out because you have more talent than all of the contestants combined. But I’m still convinced that you had a transplant as a child and that you actually have the vocal chords from a 34 year old black woman and that is why you can sing like that.

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