If you don’t watch The Bachelor, you really should. It’s hours filled with train wrecks. After watching an episode and seeing all of those women make fools of themselves, I love my own life so much more.
For the next few Monday nights starting at 8pm, I will be watching Sean Lowe attempt to find his one true love with Chris Harrison as his own personal narrator. If only the rest of us were that lucky.
Here were a few of my favorite moments from the first episode (see the next section for a breakdown of Sean’s 25 possible lovers):
- Sean doesn’t wear shirts for the first 7 minutes. I have no problem with this.
- Watching the recap of Emily dumping Sean makes me tear up but it doesn’t matter because he’s the bachelor now with 25 hot women and her engagement was called off 2 months ago. Obviously Sean wins.
- EXCUSE ME WTF is Arie doing in Sean’s bachelor pad. No one asked you to be here bro.
- This Arie/Sean bro time is making me think that they might be secret lovers on the side? Chris Harrison can you confirm/deny?
- WHY ARE THERE SO MANY ASHLEY’S THIS YEAR.
- Kacie GTFO already. You lost in Ben’s season and no one wants to see you. Please go home.
- Sean is being a little bastard and not following the rules of the roses.
- COCKTAIL PARTIES ARE MY FAVORITE because you literally NEVER see a girl without a drink. I honestly think it’s a rule that they must always be drinking.
- Enter the drunk messes. Please ladies, grab a chair and stay for a while.
Ashley P please get your life together. Scratch that I’m actually loving it. Keep doing what you’re doing girl.
- Taryn learn how to play the game. Suck it up.
- 12 GIRLS HAD ROSES BEFORE WE EVEN STARTED ELIMINATIONS SEAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING THAT’S NOT HOW YOU PLAY.
- Adios ladies who were eliminated, bring on the drama for the next few months.
- Best quote of the episode was Sean saying “that girl is a trip” referring to the sadly eliminated Ashley P. Miss you already girl.
Here are my exact copious notes as written on my bracket regarding Sean’s possible lovers. I take this very seriously.
- Amanda – cute, quirky but in a cool awkward way.
- Ashlee – love her, has a foster kid sob story, will stick around for a while.
- Ashley H – ELIMINATED. Called herself a Barbie (girl step back) and has a really annoying voice.
- Ashley P – ELIMINATED. Cat lady, 50 shades of grey obsessed, CRAY, WASTED, omg STAHP girl you are humiliating yourself. “Mom don’t be mad.”
- Brooke – put together, did she purr in Sean’s ear when she met him? Wtf?
- Catherine – really pretty, not enough info given.
- Daniella – did a handshake with Sean are you serious.
- Desiree – beyond adorable, throws pennies in fountain get out you are so cute.
- Diana – is a mom, super sweet and gorgeous.
- Jackie – whore lipstick kiss on Sean upon meeting pls stop.
- Katie – yoga girl, wasn’t wearing shoes are you kidding.
- Kelly – ELIMINATED. Looks like a pageant queen, sang an original song to Sean and he looked scared.
- Keriann – ELIMINATED. Eh boring.
- Kristy – model, full of herself.
- Lacey – so pretty, gave Sean a heart made of lace.
- Lauren – ELIMINATED. Italian, daddy’s girl.
- Lesley – eco girl, brings football just so she can admire Sean’s ass as he bends over and I love her.
- Leslie – uses “hunk” in an actual sentence and calls Sean “McSteamy.”
- Lindsay – shows up in a wedding dress girl you are CRAY, “prankster,” “I wish I was more sober right now.”
- Paige – ELIMINATED. Was on Bachelor Pad 3 as an outsider brought in so she has to be crazy.
- Robyn – fun, quirky, kind of boring but fell during her attempt at a backflip.
- Sarah – has one arm, cute and quirky.
- Selma – pretty but slightly boring.
- Taryn – won’t “fight” over Sean with other girls, really pretty.
- Tierra – seems like a liar, crazy, has lame heart tattoo. (THIS GIRL WILL BE ALL THE DRAMA THIS SEASON. I mean just in the previews she was in a neck brace.)
- BONUS SURPRISE: Kacie from Ben’s season. I don’t even know what to say about her. This girl needs to find love somewhere else.
Without going through my bracket week by week, my top 4 for Sean’s season are Ashlee, Desiree, Lesley and Lindsay. Top 2 are Lindsay and Ashlee with Ashlee coming out of the season winning. I’m in a bracket with a few other friends so good luck to all and may the best woman win!
Here’s to another season of train wreck’s and women making me feel better about myself. Thank you ladies for all that you do.