I’ve decided to do a real talk-life series here on my blog since this is my space to write whatever I please. I’ve done similar things before but I want this to be a little different, a little more honest. As I have said, I am a 20-something fresh off the college mill so I’ve decided to write about those experiences as they come, whenever that may be. I give you, Part I.
I graduated college almost 2 months ago to the day. I don’t know what I expected to come after graduation but it sure as hell wasn’t this. By this I mean applying for 5 jobs a day for two months straight, receiving little to no responses, going for a run out of frustration, taking a bubble bath and then watching my TV shows at their actual time (which poses no need for TiVo unless they conflict).
When I was younger I used to picture what my life might be like when I turned 20. For some reason that was the age when I thought things in life were going to get really good for me. When I turned 20 almost 2 years ago I laughed remembering that memory because I was so far off from “having it together” that it was hysterical. Now I don’t think I’ll “have it together” until I’m 50, if that.
I’ve realized there isn’t a template for how to live your life after you finish school. There is no right or wrong way to do things anymore. In school there was a right way to solve a math problem, there was a right way to answer a multiple choice question (if “all of the above” is an option always choose it), there was a right way to phrase an essay to make it sound like you knew exactly what Hemmingway was talking about.
Now, not so much.
There isn’t a right or wrong way to tell someone you love them, there isn’t a right or wrong reason to cry and there isn’t a right or wrong way to be happy and live your life. You just do it.
I’m having a really hard time putting life into perspective right now when a lot of things in the world seem to not be going my way, but I keep telling myself that I am a mere baby in the game of life. Some people would kill to draw the card that says “you’re 21 years young” and it just so happens that’s one card I have in my hand right now. I do have some cards that aren’t ideal like “unemployed” and “broke” and “needs glasses.” But I also have some good one’s like “has people who genuinely love her” and “Harry Potter world is being built down the street” and “has a bed that feels like you’re sleeping on a cloud.” It’s all about the scale of weighing the good and bad. That’s what I keep telling myself. That, and to drink more tea.
Maybe you and I, we suck at the current cycle of life we’re in right now. At least we suck at it together and we can bitch about it. Together. Because let’s be honest, anyone else who is doing this right now can say that yes, this sucks. A lot. More than I ever anticipated would. I know I sound angry and emotional and frustrated. But that’s because I am. And I’d rather be honest than to hold back what I really want to say. I’ve never been very good at doing that anyways.
Bear with me 20-somethings. We have to stick together.