I’ve decided to do a real talk-life series here on my blog since this is my space to write whatever I please. I’ve done similar things before but I want this to be a little different, a little more honest. As I have said, I am a 20-something fresh off the college mill so I’ve decided to write about those experiences as they come, whenever that may be.
I’ve been frequently referred to as a “hot mess” in my young life and it’s something I embrace rather than brush off. It’s not my job to “have it together” at this point in my life so stop telling me it is.
Frankly, I don’t think anyone at any age should be required to “have it together.” It is 100% a personal choice and I support a no judgement environment. For just a minute, close your eyes and imagine how fun it would be if we all just let go of the stress of trying to “have it together” and just lived. Do you see pretty colors streaming across your eyelids? Because that’s what I imagine it would look like. The world would be a much happier place.
Let’s talk about what it even means to “have it together” shall we? By society’s standards having it together means: having a career and a significant other/family at the same time, not being stressed yet being organized at the same time, having time to have hobbies but also being busy enough to not be considered a bum and last but not least, never breaking a sweat no matter what you’re doing.
I’m laughing just trying to imagine someone doing all of the above and not being a complete robot who is incapable of love. I don’t think it’s possible. (“Nope” I say out loud as I pop my “p” sound.)
“Having it together” is overrated. If you “have it together” you’re never going to have any fun in this life. Everything you do will be meticulously calculated down to the day by day, the hour by hour. Spontaneity to a person who “has it together” would be like throwing salt on a bucket of snails. Fun to watch but deadly.
I used to think I “had it together” in high school,17-year-old Sarah was very good at thinking she knew things. What I didn’t realize in my little Sarah bubble was that high school is so far off from reality it’s not even on the same map. In high school you still have a pretty decent level of stability if for nothing else but the hours in the day being predictable. Home, school, after school activities, home, repeat. And if you’re lucky you have someone reminding you to never deter from the schedule.
Then you go off to college or a job or what have you and it all goes to shit.
Being responsible for yourself is the single hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Finding motivation to do absolutely anything becomes a daily battle. Don’t even try to get my brain fluids going before 11am because I won’t be very receptive. Those of you who I talk to on the phone in the morning sometimes (hi mom) know that I am not the most pleasant person before I’ve had my caffeine kick in.
I can’t speak for what it’s going to feel like in another 7 years because I obviously haven’t lived it yet, but I kind of hope I don’t have it completely together. Knowing myself fairly well, I probably won’t so I don’t have to really worry about it. By the time you “have it together” what else do you have to explore about yourself? Wouldn’t you basically be done living and learning at that point? I don’t ever want to be done living or learning. The day I die I want to learn something new. Hopefully it’s how to wink without looking like a creep because I still can’t manage to do that.
To the 20-somethings who spend many hours of the day trying to appear like they have it together, just stop. Instead, take those hours and do something you love. Maybe it’s reading a book or dancing around your room with flailing limbs or sitting on the couch with an extra large glass of wine. Whatever it is, do it and enjoy every second. We’re not required to “have it together,” not now and not ever.