Love Letter: Why I Love To Hate Crackberries

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Blackberry

At the job I’m currently at, they have recently given me a crackberry so they can get ahold of me at any time they want. Let me be clear and say that I hate crackberries. I had one until Steve Jobs opened my world to a new millenium with the iPhone a few years back and even in the early days of the transition, I was still loyal to the crackberry because I’m stubborn. Then I discovered that iPhones are superior in every shape and form.

Now I hate crackberries with a burning passion. I don’t understand how they are still in use.

Since it’s sometimes hard for me to form coherent strings of sentences when I get angry over an issue, here is a comprehensive list of why I hate crackberries.

  • They constantly type double letters. No matter how hard I try it puts 0000 at the end of every phone number.
  • I try to type an “L” but instead end up deleting half of my sentence because “delete” and “L” are next to each other. Stupid.
  • The crackberry I have seems to have a mind of it’s own and likes to call people without asking me first.
  • The buttons are TINY. I’m sorry but who has small enough fingers to type correctly on that thing? I don’t see infants using crackberries and they are the only one’s whose fingers are small enough.
  • There is no touch screen (I have the Bold). That’s just idiotic in this day and age.
  • You still have to enter a password to get to your voicemail. My iPhone just lets me listen to things with a play button which makes my life much easier.
  • The little black square scroll ball is the most sensitive thing ever. I try and click down one email and all the sudden I’m in last Thursday’s emails instead.
  • Myspace is still an icon on the main screen. I laughed really hard.
  • THE BLINKING RED LIGHT REPRESENTS THE PUREST EVIL IN THE WORLD, OF THIS I AM SURE. IT NEVER STOPS BLINKING.

In conclusion, I hate Blackberries. We should all start a revolt and throw them into the sewers. Or light them all on fire in a control burn. Or just break them with hammers. I’m good with any of the above 3 options.

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