I’m going to tell you a story. Let me begin by saying I don’t have the best track record with tanning. I tried the beds a few times in high school and always got burned or had a weird skin reaction to the bulbs. Then one time I accidentally got a Jamaican spray tan and turned another race. I don’t want to talk about it.
I went to an event a few months ago for Love Twenty and in the swag bag they gave me at the end of the night was a coupon for a free mystic tan. Being the smart little girl that I am, I’ve saved it until this week because I knew graduation was Saturday and there would be events in the upcoming days leading up to it. I also knew that just like high school, these pictures would haunt me for quite some time so I wanted to not look like Casper if at all possible.
Yesterday was a big deal for me because I decided I was going to be brave and use my free mystic tan at Sunset Tan on Ventura. The lady helping me was very nice and promised me I wouldn’t be orange or Jamaican bronzed (still not over it) but if anything, I would be a tad darker by the time Saturday rolled around. Awesome, that sounds perfect to me.
Then she walks me into the room with the mystic tan AND IT’S THE SAME MACHINE ROSS USES IN FRIENDS AND I ALMOST HAD A PANIC ATTACK RIGHT THERE AND RAN OUT.
I DID NOT WANT MY FRONT TO BE AN 8 AND MY BACK TO BE A 0.
So I listened very attentively while the lady was giving me instructions. There was no way in hell I was going to be an 8 – 0 ratio for graduation weekend. I did what she said and put tons of the barrier cream on my hands and feet so I wouldn’t have orange palms or feet. That’s another no-no. Then I got into the mystic booth and pressed the green button to start. My anxiety sky rocked.
I almost had a heart attack because you’re waiting waiting waiting and then suddenly the machine just starts with no warning. There was no red light in my booth like Ross had. It just hit me. Then it stopped and I started freaking out because I wanted to make sure I turned around in time. Since I had put so much barrier cream on my feet (so they wouldn’t be oompa loompa orange) I almost fell on my ass while trying to turn around on the metal plate. BUT I DID MAKE THE TURN (barely) AND THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS BECAUSE I AM EVENLY COATED THANK GOD.
Moral of the story, it was one of the most terrifying and anxiety driven 2 minutes of my life and I will probably never do it again. I didn’t really fit in with the girl who was sitting next to me in the lobby either. Bleach blonde hair that she had just gotten cut, wearing a Juicy Couture purple velour track suit and told me she “comes in every week to get my mystic!”
I don’t think we’ll be grabbing lunch anytime soon.