Hi Internet space, I’m back. I’ve been planning on writing this post for about 10 days but it just came together right now when I figured out what to title it.
The past month has been a little bit of this, a little bit of that, a lot of thinking, a lot of laying low. I didn’t realize it until about a week ago, but I’ve been kind of MIA from the world minus going to work and the occasional wine night in the comfort of my own apartment with a friend. I did it on purpose and slightly unconsciously, but mostly on purpose. I didn’t feel like myself at the end March for reasons that aren’t important enough to explain and compensated by completely removing myself from the world at large for a little while. While it does seem a bit drastic, I do feel much better now after going back to a blank slate and finding myself again.
I’ve taken a one month break from yoga and instead have rekindled a relationship with the treadmill. The first few days were ROUGH but I’m doing much better now. As much as I love yoga, there is something very nice about being able to stretch my legs as far as they can go and just run.
I finished the Bridget Jones books and had to be by myself for a while after I read the last sentence of Mad About The Boy. I did truly fall in love with Bridget. As scattered as she was, she was nothing less than passionate about loving and being loved. Even with all of her faults, she wanted nothing more than to give herself to one person (cough MARK DARCY couch) and she did. I miss her quite a bit because I’m pretty sure I have some very strong Bridget tendencies (i.e. wine and cheese binge fest) and she was a very fun character to get to know. I love you Jonesey.
As far as music goes, I’m still totally in love with Sam Smith (though I love the EP more than the new song he just released.) I am also convinced that everyone over the age of 18 should be forced to listen to Ain’t It Fun by Paramore because it is so relevant to all of our lives and also doubles as an amazing dance party song. Shakira has a new album and this is by far my favorite track. And to cap it all off, I just started listening to the Christina Perri album today and I can already say confidently that I love it. I really liked her first album because I think she is very unique and fun with her lyrics (always my favorite part of a songwriter) but this new album kicks it up a notch and I’m totally into it. Burning Gold is my current jam. I can’t get enough of it.
Back to the title of this post. The title comes from the poem of the same name that I found in a book called She Walks in Beauty written by the one and only Caroline Kennedy. Ms Kennedy brought in all of the poems that she has found and fell in love with throughout her lifetime and compiled them into one book. There are different sections for love, breaking up, growing up and my favorite – how to live your life. “Leap Before You Look” comes from the last section of the book and immediately made me stop, think and re-read it as soon as I had finished my first read through. The entire premise of the poem is about feeling the fear, and doing it anyways. Jumping even if you feel like you’re flailing. Taking the risk, even if you feel the failure.
The last line is what really killed me. Knowing that in order to get anywhere, in order to take any steps forward in any aspect of our lives, we have to get let the illusion of safety disappear. When you’re in your safe space, or your comfort zone, you will never progress. It is only when you leave your safe bubble that you start to take small steps, then big steps, then leaps and bounds toward what you are truly meant to do.
I think that about wraps up the past month of my life. I’m back to a good space, I’m slowly reintegrating myself back into the world at large (but I still like my alone time) and most of all, I’m still learning everyday to be a little bit more brave. A copy of “Leap Before You Look” is below, I hope it inspires you (whoever you are that is reading this).
The sense of danger must not disappear:
The way is certainly both short and steep,
However gradual it looks from here;
Look if you like, but you will have to leap.
Tough-minded men get mushy in their sleep
And break the by-laws any fool can keep;
It is not the convention but the fear
That has a tendency to disappear.
The worried efforts of the busy heap,
The dirt, the imprecision, and the beer
Produce a few smart wisecracks every year;
Laugh if you can, but you will have to leap.
The clothes that are considered right to wear
Will not be either sensible or cheap,
So long as we consent to live like sheep
And never mention those who disappear.
Much can be said for social savior-faire,
Bu to rejoice when no one else is there
Is even harder than it is to weep;
No one is watching, but you have to leap.
A solitude ten thousand fathoms deep
Sustains the bed on which we lie, my dear:
Although I love you, you will have to leap;
Our dream of safety has to disappear.
— W. H. Auden