Yesterday marked three years since I moved to Los Angeles. I can vividly remember the build up. The anxiety, the stress, the excitement, the fear that it was all just a dream.
And then the hope. I remember the extreme feeling of hope.
I remember feeling like “I know this is what I’m supposed to be doing” and “I know this feels right.” I remember being so nervous to live by myself and then squashing that doubt with the feeling of not caring because I was going to live the dream I had dreamt for so long. I was going to live in the City of Angels.
I can’t exactly remember when my fascination with LA began but it had to have been somewhere around 12 or 13 years old. My family would travel to Southern California for softball tournaments and I could never get enough of the city. I wanted to be everywhere at once. I wanted to drive down every street. My dad used to joke that I would tell people “I don’t care if I sit in traffic for 5 hours, at least I’m sitting in LA.” The hope that this was the city where dreams were born and came true was so unbelievable to me. It was all I wanted. I wanted to build and see my dreams come true here too.
Three years I’ve been in this same one bedroom apartment. A year and a half ago I gained a roommate who has morphed from my best friend into the sister I never had. Together we continue to grow up and embrace the hilarious challenges that constitute being a 20-something.
Three years later I’m still scared, but in a good way. I think if you ever completely lose the fear of something you love then you become comfortable and then you become stagnant. I don’t ever want to become stagnant. So this fear is a good fear. I still love being in LA. I love feeling like I could do a million different things at once. I love feeling like I can change my look, my voice, my walk, my story at any given moment. But three years later, I don’t think I want to change as many things as I used to. I’m much more comfortable with who I am. Being in LA and seeing all the change can do that to you – it makes you choose a path and make it your own.
I can’t wait to continue to grow and change with LA. I can’t wait to continue to come into my own in this city. I’m a born and raised California girl, and right now, there is now where else I’d rather be to continue to grow up and figure out who I want to be.