Sunday Talk

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Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

I imagine a little chorus of cherubs singing that first line as a sort of “Hiiiiiiiiii haven’t seen you in a while and I’ve missed you.” I am back to have a little chat on my favorite day of the week. Sunday’s have been my favorite day of the week for a few years now. It used to always be Fridays and Saturdays because school would let out for the weekend, but as I’ve grown so much older and wiser in my early 20’s (ha), I’ve discovered that I enjoy Sunday’s the best because of their lackadaisical nature.

I’ve been TwentyThree for a little over a month now. I was thinking the other day that TwentyThree is the age where you are officially no longer a baby adult, but more along the lines of a toddler adult. Nineteen to TwentyTwo are the stages of a newborn baby adult. You’re relearning (or just learning for the first time) a lot of things like how to cook for yourself, how to do laundry, how to pump gas, how to budget your money etc. Now at TwentyThree I think I’m more in the toddler stage of things. I still get in trouble but I’ve been an “adult” for so long that it’s to the point where I should know better. Things like messing up my laundry, not doing the dishes, drinking too much or going to bed too late. All things a toddler adult should know by now, but still manage to mess up every once in a while.

I find myself thinking through things a little more carefully now. By no means does this mean that my usual impulsive instincts kick in all the time and I want to do things right now, it just seems I have a bit more of a grasp on it. I put a little more thought into the moves I make not only on a daily basis but in the long run as well. I think this translates as having a “game plan” rather than going into the game of Life blind and hoping things work out for the best. If I’ve learned anything it’s that nothing happens unless you do it yourself. No one is going to go out and make the first move for you.

I’m also getting more of a grasp on the type of life I want to lead. I’ve been very conscious the past few weeks about being more open-minded and putting the brakes on anything judgmental that comes through my brainwaves. The last thing anyone in this world needs is more judgement. I want to be open to new opportunities and people who come into my life, but at the same time I want to be rooted in my own truth and what I choose to believe. Weeding out negative energy that is put into the universe is something I’ve been trying to incorporate into my life in order to maintain my sanity. I’ve been doing things that I love just because I love to do them, not because someone else thinks I should or should not be doing them.

I’m trying to paint with new colors, while still holding onto the lessons that the old ones taught me. I think that’s a solid start to TwentyThree.

Paint

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TwentyThree.

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TwentyThree

Now now now, you didn’t think I’d pass up an opportunity to reflect on life and make a list did you? Today I turn TwentyThree. An age that (so far) no one has written a song about, therefore giving me no outline to go off of as far as what to expect in this year of my life. No more happy, free, confused or lonely for this girl. (I got my fair share of singing Twenty Two in yesterday as one last hoorah – thanks Tay Tay.)

This past year of my life has been exhilarating, terrifying, laughter driven, tear streaked, whimsical and most of all – extraordinary. I can say confidently and very very happily that this past year was the best of my entire life. I rekindled many different loves in my life, the biggest one being the ability to love myself. To love yourself is, I think, the hardest thing anyone can ever do.

This past year I found what makes me happy, admitted it, and started making plans to chase it. This past year I wore a lot of flower crowns and flowy dresses. This past year I slowly became more of an “adult” by buying a new vacuum, television and even a new CAR. This past year I surrounded myself with wonderful friends and loved ones that consistently built me up and smothered me in happiness. This past year I became more open not only with others, but with myself. This past year I sat down with myself and figured out what the word “brave” meant in my own life. This past year I found myself again. TwentyTwo was very good to me, and I am excited for TwentyThree to continue that journey.

I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to make a list, so here are TwentyTwo things I learned at TwentyTwo.

  1. It’s easy to be scared, it’s hard to be brave.
  2. Hand outs only come in the form of free ice cream and leftover Girl Scout cookies. You have to work for everything else.
  3. Red nail polish will always make you feel like a badass.
  4. So will red lipstick.
  5. Coconut oil takes off your eye makeup without burning your eyeballs.
  6. No one really knows how the world works. We all just fake it till we make it.
  7. For some reason, tequila is the only alcohol that doesn’t hate my body.
  8. Contrary to popular belief, exercise does make you feel better.
  9. Having best friends in different time zones sucks. Facetime and Viber become your lifelines.
  10. Being a salaried employee is a gift of the gods.
  11. Speaking of being an employee, I now connect on a spiritual level to Dolly’s “9 to 5.”
  12. Seeing Fleetwood Mac is a religious experience.
  13. Shit will constantly hit the fan.
  14. Life after college doesn’t need to be as scary as you think it is.
  15. Never start a life talk with a best friend without wine.
  16. Every once in a while, you need a friend to sit you down, stare you in the face and tell you to start doing what you already know you want to do.
  17. Boys are still stupid.
  18. No one is going to take the first step for you. Get your ass in gear and do it.
  19. Never try to silence your gut feeling.
  20. Dance with your friends. In a bar, at a restaurant, in the office, in the streets and at home.
  21. Speak your truth.
  22. No one actually knows what they want in their 20s. If they do, they’re either lying or a time wizard.
  23. And my bonus piece of extraordinary wisdom for TwenyThree: It’s okay to change your mind, to be selfish, to scream your lungs out, to fail and to fall down. Someone will always love you for you.

Hi TwentyThree, I’m ready for ya. Let’s do this thaaaaaang.

PS my last homage to TwentyTwo was to go out at 10pm on May 7th and buy a polaroid camera that I’ve been dying to have for the past few years. I can’t wait to document TwentyThree in physical form.

Last of TwentyTwo

 

Leap Before You Look

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Hi Internet space, I’m back. I’ve been planning on writing this post for about 10 days but it just came together right now when I figured out what to title it.

The past month has been a little bit of this, a little bit of that, a lot of thinking, a lot of laying low. I didn’t realize it until about a week ago, but I’ve been kind of MIA from the world minus going to work and the occasional wine night in the comfort of my own apartment with a friend. I did it on purpose and slightly unconsciously, but mostly on purpose. I didn’t feel like myself at the end March for reasons that aren’t important enough to explain and compensated by completely removing myself from the world at large for a little while. While it does seem a bit drastic, I do feel much better now after going back to a blank slate and finding myself again.

I’ve taken a one month break from yoga and instead have rekindled a relationship with the treadmill. The first few days were ROUGH but I’m doing much better now. As much as I love yoga, there is something very nice about being able to stretch my legs as far as they can go and just run.

I finished the Bridget Jones books and had to be by myself for a while after I read the last sentence of Mad About The Boy. I did truly fall in love with Bridget. As scattered as she was, she was nothing less than passionate about loving and being loved. Even with all of her faults, she wanted nothing more than to give herself to one person (cough MARK DARCY couch) and she did. I miss her quite a bit because I’m pretty sure I have some very strong Bridget tendencies (i.e. wine and cheese binge fest) and she was a very fun character to get to know. I love you Jonesey.

As far as music goes, I’m still totally in love with Sam Smith (though I love the EP more than the new song he just released.) I am also convinced that everyone over the age of 18 should be forced to listen to Ain’t It Fun by Paramore because it is so relevant to all of our lives and also doubles as an amazing dance party song. Shakira has a new album and this is by far my favorite track. And to cap it all off, I just started listening to the Christina Perri album today and I can already say confidently that I love it. I really liked her first album because I think she is very unique and fun with her lyrics (always my favorite part of a songwriter) but this new album kicks it up a notch and I’m totally into it. Burning Gold is my current jam. I can’t get enough of it.

Back to the title of this post. The title comes from the poem of the same name that I found in a book called She Walks in Beauty written by the one and only Caroline Kennedy. Ms Kennedy brought in all of the poems that she has found and fell in love with throughout her lifetime and compiled them into one book. There are different sections for love, breaking up, growing up and my favorite – how to live your life. “Leap Before You Look” comes from the last section of the book and immediately made me stop, think and re-read it as soon as I had finished my first read through. The entire premise of the poem is about feeling the fear, and doing it anyways. Jumping even if you feel like you’re flailing. Taking the risk, even if you feel the failure.

The last line is what really killed me. Knowing that in order to get anywhere, in order to take any steps forward in any aspect of our lives, we have to get let the illusion of safety disappear. When you’re in your safe space, or your comfort zone, you will never progress. It is only when you leave your safe bubble that you start to take small steps, then big steps, then leaps and bounds toward what you are truly meant to do.

I think that about wraps up the past month of my life. I’m back to a good space, I’m slowly reintegrating myself back into the world at large (but I still like my alone time) and most of all, I’m still learning everyday to be a little bit more brave. A copy of “Leap Before You Look” is below, I hope it inspires you (whoever you are that is reading this).

The sense of danger must not disappear:
The way is certainly both short and steep,
However gradual it looks from here;
Look if you like, but you will have to leap.

Tough-minded men get mushy in their sleep
And break the by-laws any fool can keep;
It is not the convention but the fear
That has a tendency to disappear.

The worried efforts of the busy heap,
The dirt, the imprecision, and the beer
Produce a few smart wisecracks every year;
Laugh if you can, but you will have to leap.

The clothes that are considered right to wear
Will not be either sensible or cheap,
So long as we consent to live like sheep
And never mention those who disappear.

Much can be said for social savior-faire,
Bu to rejoice when no one else is there
Is even harder than it is to weep;
No one is watching, but you have to leap.

A solitude ten thousand fathoms deep
Sustains the bed on which we lie, my dear:
Although I love you, you will have to leap;
Our dream of safety has to disappear.

— W. H. Auden

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