Anticlimactic

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I’ve been TwentyFour for a whole 11 days and lemme tell you, it is not nearly as scary as I thought it would be. My days are relatively the same – work, gym (hopefully), dinner, Netflix, wine, sleep.

My birthday was everything I could have imagined and more. The night before, my best friend came over and made me a cake, brought flowers, brought balloons and we danced to Style at midnight. Then we took a slow-mo video while we popped glitter pops. It was the best.

The next night I went to dinner at my favorite Mexican restaurant (because margaritas duh) with my closest friends and we had a ball. A little girl came up to me at dinner and told me she loved my dress and my headband and I have to believe that was the universe sending me a little love on my birthday. I gave her one of the roses my friends had given me and she twirled around the rest of the evening. It made my heart soar. I hope she turns into a little gypsy. After dinner we came home, watched First Wives Club, took polaroids and danced in our sweats. It was one of the best nights of my life.

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The rest of the weekend was spent at the beach, at the flea market and poolside. Talk about living the life. As the first 72 hours of being TwentyFour creeped on, I realized how lucky I was. The people that surround me make me so happy, keep me on my toes and are always looking out for me. TwentyFour is going to be okay.

I leave you and my TwentyFour year old self with my favorite mashup of the year. It’s a combination of two of the ultimate girl gang members – Ellie Goulding and Taylor Swift. We are talking ultimate squad goals here. Love Me Like You Do and Style mashed into one and it is INCREDIBLE. 5 minute dance party, NOW.

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TwentyFour.

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I am now officially in my mid-twenties.

It’s taken me two days just to write and accept that sentence. For such a long time growing up I would try to imagine what it would be like to be in my mid-twenties. I fantasized about this amazing, structured, in control life where I lived in an incredible and sophisticated apartment in LA. I was that LA girl who was trendy and cool and goes and gets fancy cocktails in weird mod restaurants with her friends. What’s hilarious is that none of that came to fruition. What’s amazing is that I’m so glad it didn’t.

Turns out that at this point in my life I’m much more “make shit up as I go” than in control, more gypsy than sophisticated and more Netflix with homemade margaritas than weird mod restaurants.

In the two days it has taken me to write this post I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to leave my early twenties behind and to step into my mid-twenties. It has taken 48 hours, but this afternoon I finally realized that this is the first time in my life that I don’t want to get older. Is that what being old is? Finally realizing that you don’t want to get older anymore?

TwentyThree was exhausting, exhilarating, terrifying, stressful, exciting and trying. This year I’ve had a lot of self-doubt followed by spurts of bravery. A lot of questioning every move followed by “well fuck it.” A lot of feeling lost and then reading tumblr quotes about how it’s all going to be okay. A lot of running that more than once, landed me right back at home.

My post about TwentyThree last year ended on an elated note. I was riding a high of possibility. This year is a little different. Not that I’m sad, but more that I feel like I’m in a free fall. A lot of things in my life are Up In The Air (blog pun intended) and it’s making me question myself more than usual. TwentyFour is going to start in a state of floating. But floating is good. Floating means you can go in any direction you want. You can bounce off all the walls until you find the right place to drop. Floating means all the doors are open.

Not one to be without a list, here are my 23 things I learned at TwentyThree.

  1. Wear whatever the hell you want. If it makes you feel good, wear it. Who cares what everyone else says.
  2. Being able to flawlessly apply red lipstick is self-taught. Being able to flawlessly wear it is self realized.
  3. Fleetwood Mac is always a good idea.
  4. Netflix binges should never be judged, only appreciated.
  5. Being asked to be your best friend’s Maid of Honor will make your heart feel so full of love it almost bursts.
  6. Getting lost in a book still feels the same way it does when you were 12.
  7. The best writing comes out of honesty. Let yourself feel all the feels. Then word vomit to help yourself understand those feels.
  8. Glitter is fun and should never be silenced.
  9. There is no such thing as too many Polaroids.
  10. Family is everything. Especially when the double as your best friends. (Hi Mom, Dad and Brother.)
  11. Tumblr is the best fantasy dream land safe space ever created.
  12. Mixed CD’s are the most thoughtful gift a 90’s kid can receive.
  13. No one should be made fun of for loving things too hard. Whether that be a TV show, a boy band, a cheese or a person.
  14. American Girl by Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers is and will forever be, your own personal anthem.
  15. Pampering is amazing. Face masks, bath bombs, hair masks, sugar scrubs, ALL OF IT. DO ALL OF IT.
  16. SAS must stick to tequila and wine, do that my child and you’ll be fine.
  17. Also, also I love to rhyme.
  18. Be a gypsy. Be a flower crown queen. Be a crystal hoarder.
  19. Make all the pretty things. Necklaces, flower crowns, dreamcatchers, all of them. Other people think they are pretty too.
  20. My moon necklace reminds me of who I am, and who I strive to be every single day.
  21. Birkenstocks are the shit and I will FIGHT anyone who says otherwise.
  22. Girls run shit. Lift up your girlfriends. We are strong. We are independent. We rise together.
  23. Trust yourself.

One last note, I love to set the tone of a big moment with a song. I liken it to purposely setting myself up for success. This year, I chose to turn TwentyFour to Taylor Swift’s “Style” complete with an apartment dance party in my Gryffindor sweatshirt and a flower crown. Looking forward to more pretty things, more dance parties and more “mid-twenties” freak outs this year. Good, bad, horrific and magical.

TwentyThree.

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TwentyThree

Now now now, you didn’t think I’d pass up an opportunity to reflect on life and make a list did you? Today I turn TwentyThree. An age that (so far) no one has written a song about, therefore giving me no outline to go off of as far as what to expect in this year of my life. No more happy, free, confused or lonely for this girl. (I got my fair share of singing Twenty Two in yesterday as one last hoorah – thanks Tay Tay.)

This past year of my life has been exhilarating, terrifying, laughter driven, tear streaked, whimsical and most of all – extraordinary. I can say confidently and very very happily that this past year was the best of my entire life. I rekindled many different loves in my life, the biggest one being the ability to love myself. To love yourself is, I think, the hardest thing anyone can ever do.

This past year I found what makes me happy, admitted it, and started making plans to chase it. This past year I wore a lot of flower crowns and flowy dresses. This past year I slowly became more of an “adult” by buying a new vacuum, television and even a new CAR. This past year I surrounded myself with wonderful friends and loved ones that consistently built me up and smothered me in happiness. This past year I became more open not only with others, but with myself. This past year I sat down with myself and figured out what the word “brave” meant in my own life. This past year I found myself again. TwentyTwo was very good to me, and I am excited for TwentyThree to continue that journey.

I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to make a list, so here are TwentyTwo things I learned at TwentyTwo.

  1. It’s easy to be scared, it’s hard to be brave.
  2. Hand outs only come in the form of free ice cream and leftover Girl Scout cookies. You have to work for everything else.
  3. Red nail polish will always make you feel like a badass.
  4. So will red lipstick.
  5. Coconut oil takes off your eye makeup without burning your eyeballs.
  6. No one really knows how the world works. We all just fake it till we make it.
  7. For some reason, tequila is the only alcohol that doesn’t hate my body.
  8. Contrary to popular belief, exercise does make you feel better.
  9. Having best friends in different time zones sucks. Facetime and Viber become your lifelines.
  10. Being a salaried employee is a gift of the gods.
  11. Speaking of being an employee, I now connect on a spiritual level to Dolly’s “9 to 5.”
  12. Seeing Fleetwood Mac is a religious experience.
  13. Shit will constantly hit the fan.
  14. Life after college doesn’t need to be as scary as you think it is.
  15. Never start a life talk with a best friend without wine.
  16. Every once in a while, you need a friend to sit you down, stare you in the face and tell you to start doing what you already know you want to do.
  17. Boys are still stupid.
  18. No one is going to take the first step for you. Get your ass in gear and do it.
  19. Never try to silence your gut feeling.
  20. Dance with your friends. In a bar, at a restaurant, in the office, in the streets and at home.
  21. Speak your truth.
  22. No one actually knows what they want in their 20s. If they do, they’re either lying or a time wizard.
  23. And my bonus piece of extraordinary wisdom for TwenyThree: It’s okay to change your mind, to be selfish, to scream your lungs out, to fail and to fall down. Someone will always love you for you.

Hi TwentyThree, I’m ready for ya. Let’s do this thaaaaaang.

PS my last homage to TwentyTwo was to go out at 10pm on May 7th and buy a polaroid camera that I’ve been dying to have for the past few years. I can’t wait to document TwentyThree in physical form.

Last of TwentyTwo