I understand that the past week there has been a lot of word vomit but stay with me. It’s because my brain is still comprehending the fact that when someone asks me what I’m doing with my life I can no longer say “oh I’m a college student.”
Because I’m not anymore. I’m an alumna. (Check me out grammar police, I’m up on the lingo.)
It has also come to my attention that the supposed end of the world is this coming Friday. Let me break this down for you in three short sentences.
I just graduated college. The end of the world is coming. I will no longer have to pay off student loans.
With the possible apocalypse in the near future, here is a list of things I’ll miss about planet Earth.
- My beloved feline, Bella.
- John Mayer, Stevie Nicks, Ed Sheeran and Shania Twain.
- The smell of rain.
- New socks.
- The fact that I never got to touch Harry Styles’ hair.
- Wine. Red wine, white wine, all wines.
- My American Eagle hoodie I’ve owned since 6th grade.
- My Starbucks gold card. (Member since 2010).
- Mac & Cheese.
- My money tree.
- Mean Girls.
- The fact that I never went to Ellen’s 12 Days of Giveaways or Oprah’s Favorite Things.
- Dresses with pockets.
- Wii tennis and DDR.
- Talking in a valley girl accent with my brother.
- Finding out what the series finale of Grey’s Anatomy will be. Do Meredith and Derek get their happy ending or not? Will Cristina ever be the same? Can Seattle Grace handle another horrific disaster??? TELL ME SHONDA RHIMES. TELL ME.
And here is a list of things I won’t have to do ever again. You know, since the world is ending.
- Pay off student loans (JOKES ON YOU SALLIE MAE).
- Go to a high school reunion party.
- Listen to the new Ke$ha album.
- Admit what is actually on my iTunes top 25 most played list.
- Let the world see the iPhoto Fall 2009 photo album.
- Pay my LADWP bill.
- Clean up my Pinterest. #firstworldprobz
- Answer the “what are you doing after graduation” question.
- Eat green vegetables and pretend to like them.
- Gas up my car. SUCKS TO SUCK CHEVRON.
At exactly 12:43 am on Sunday morning I submitted my final capstone paper. But only after staring at my computer screen for approximately twelve hours (and that was only Saturday.) To help fight the glare of the screen I recommend wearing sunglasses. Sounds stupid but it actually worked.
At 12:45 am I teared up a little because I realized I was officially done being a college student. Forever. FOR-EVER.
About a month and a half ago I posted about the things I have experienced throughout my college career that I would miss most. You can read them here.
After finishing my capstone I thought of the things I would never again get to experience in the college world.
- No more studying for midterms or finals.
- No more pretending to sit in class acting like I did the reading.
- No more sitting in the back of class and avoiding eye contact with the professor so they don’t pick on me to talk.
- No more phone calls from the president of Chegg reminding me to return my books and wish me good luck on finals.
- No more Jerry Price emails (this is actually devastating).
- No more running away from the Chapman slut cat (it’s actually a real cat on campus).
- No more late night food runs to help finish writing a paper.
- No more strolling into a final 30 minutes late and still nailing it.
- No more WebAdvisor telling me I have too many cookies.
- No more singing Drake’s “It’s Over” during finals week.
- No more cursing the Chapman parking lot under the football field at 12:30pm when I can’t find a parking spot.
- No more overdosing on Jelly Beans to soothe my anxiety during finals week.
- No more people watching in the piazza in between classes.
- No more falling asleep in class.
- No more free pasta day.
- No more running away to the spiritual garden to hide out for a few hours.
- No more walking to Dodge just to get free print credits.
- No more walking into Dodge and feeling like an outcast.
- No more leaving in the middle of class to go to happy hour and finish writing a paper. #multitasking
- No more calculating what grade I need to get on the final in order to just pass a class.
- No more god awful blue/green books and scantrons.
- No more Panther bucks.
- No more bronzed bust of Etta James that I loved walking past every day.
- No more watching a movie on mute during a 3 hour Interterm class.
- No more Interterm in general.
- No more jumping in the fountains.
- No more Paul’s with the ladiez or Champagne Brunch at Citrus City.
- No more college. No more Chapman.
And worst of all, I can no longer blame things on the fact that I’m just a “young college kid who doesn’t know any better.”
But on the other end of the spectrum I could not be happier that I am finally done. And a semester early even. These past three and a half years have been more than fantastic, but the best parts are the people who I have found along the way. To all of those who stuck by my side, you know the deal, you can always throw down the “I knew you during the Chapman days” card and I pretty much have to do whatever you say/want.
But I swear to Oprah if one more person asks me “what are you doing after graduation” I’ll vomit on them. Because who really ever has a good answer to that question? No one knows what the hell they are doing after graduation besides crying and drinking wine for a solid few days. After you’re done being a meep and resume normal human activity you have to actually think about what you want to do. Because for the past 18 years we’ve been students and all we’ve had to do is memorize things and bullshit papers with 12 point font but 14 point punctuation marks.
So what do I want to do? I have no idea. And for once in my young life I am completely content with my answer to that question. So if you’re planning on asking me that question the next time I see you, you better have a drink you’re offering to put in my hand to go with it or expect a sassy comment and a hair flip to hit you as I walk away.
And by hot mess I mean hold the hot, double the mess.
This is from this summer, but still relevant.
- I wore one black sock and one white sock without noticing until 5 hours later. At least I was promoting diversity.
- I only remembered to put one contact in on Sunday.
- I drank sangria out of a mug. Multiple times.
- I constantly have Friends on TV. But on mute. It comforts me to just see their faces while I write papers.
- My landlord came to check the smoke alarms on my apartment, I opened my front door and he looked at my attire/face and asked me if I was doing alright. #offended
- I eat toast for almost every meal.
- I snapchat obscene amounts of photos to procrastinate.
- Two words: Top. Knot.
- My eyes hurt when I try to open them to full capacity.
- John Mayer on vinyl finally made his appearance. Which means game over for Sarah.
- BONUS: I STILL HAVE TO FINISH MY CAPSTONE PAPER.
To the college kids studying for finals, I hope you are fairing better than I am. But fear not, the light at the end of the tunnel is near. I hope to see all you Chapman kids at Undie Run tonight. If you are my friend you’ll be running with me because it’s my last Undie Run EVER. I’ll be the girl wearing sparkly gold leggings, a crown and a white tee that says I GRADUATED BITCHES in Sharpie. Cheers.