Three Years in LA

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Yesterday marked three years since I moved to Los Angeles. I can vividly remember the build up. The anxiety, the stress, the excitement, the fear that it was all just a dream.

And then the hope. I remember the extreme feeling of hope.

I remember feeling like “I know this is what I’m supposed to be doing” and “I know this feels right.” I remember being so nervous to live by myself and then squashing that doubt with the feeling of not caring because I was going to live the dream I had dreamt for so long. I was going to live in the City of Angels.

I can’t exactly remember when my fascination with LA began but it had to have been somewhere around 12 or 13 years old. My family would travel to Southern California for softball tournaments and I could never get enough of the city. I wanted to be everywhere at once. I wanted to drive down every street. My dad used to joke that I would tell people “I don’t care if I sit in traffic for 5 hours, at least I’m sitting in LA.” The hope that this was the city where dreams were born and came true was so unbelievable to me. It was all I wanted. I wanted to buildĀ and see my dreams come true here too.

Three years I’ve been in this same one bedroom apartment. A year and a half ago I gained a roommate who has morphed from my best friend into the sister I never had. Together we continue to grow up and embrace the hilarious challenges that constitute being a 20-something.

Three years later I’m still scared, but in a good way. I think if you ever completely lose the fear of something you love then you become comfortable and then you become stagnant. I don’t ever want to become stagnant. So this fear is a good fear. I still love being in LA. I love feeling like I could do a million different things at once. I love feeling like I can change my look, my voice, my walk, my story at any given moment. But three years later, I don’t think I want to change as many things as I used to. I’m much more comfortable with who I am. Being in LA and seeing all the change can do that to you – it makes you choose a path and make it your own.

I can’t wait to continue to grow and change with LA. I can’t wait to continue to come into my own in this city. I’m a born and raised California girl, and right now, there is now where else I’d rather be to continue to grow up and figure out who I want to be.

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Music Taste

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Last night I Facetimed my brother and we started talking about musical taste and age appropriateness. I realized I have never directly addressed this topic on my blog and that I should, because this is my little space of Internet to say whatever I please. Plus after I finished talking about it, my brother said “you just word vomited all over me, you should make that into a blog.” So that happened as well.

Here’s what I think. I think every piece of music has some sort of function in the world, even if you don’t particularly like it. Someone, somewhere, listened to that song and laughed or cried or cringed or danced but regardless, it made themĀ feel something. And to whoever wrote that masterpiece/train wreck of a song, it was a way for them to express themselves.

The other side of this coin is the term everyone loves to use called “age appropriateness” or another one I love “guilty pleasure.” Bottom line here, you like what you like. Whether that is Celine Dion, One Direction, Michael Bolton, Rihanna, Britney Spears, Ed Sheeran or Jay-Z, who cares. You like what you like and no one should criticize you for that. So what if Celine Dion is singing these crazy love ballads that everyone attempts to recreate at karaoke at 2am, YOU KNOW you love her and sing those songs when you’re alone in your apartment. Otherwise how else would you know all the lyrics already? And don’t even try and say it’s from the radio – because it’s not. So what if you love a boy band from England who only has one member who can legally drink in the USA? If they make you happy and get you up and dancing around and screaming like a fangirl, then that is fantastic. At least you’re happy and having a good time. And isn’t that the point of music? To let you escape for a little bit?

No one should ever be condemned for having a “guilty pleasure.” In fact, it shouldn’t even have to be called that. It should just be something that you enjoy listening to and shouldn’t have to be ashamed of. That’s one thing I love about teenage girls, they still love shamelessly. When they find something they are passionate about, they go harder than any natural force could have ever predicted. Their love for their favorite things is pure and unwavering and you better move aside when they come into town because they will barrel through you full steam ahead.

That’s how we should all be able to be – we should be able to love shamelessly and without fear of judgment. I’ve said this 4 times already, but you love what you love and no one should ever criticize you for feeling emotions of any kind.

Rock on music lovers. Go ahead, go put on that Cher song you’ve been thinking of this entire time. It’s okay, go dance it out and sing into your hairbrush.

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You Have Enough Time

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This past weekend I had a very long conversation with a friend of mine. We talked about the concept of time and how we as young people don’t think we have enough of it. We keep thinking we had to do everything yesterday in order to make our youth count, to make sure we make the most of what we have. But then she said this one thing that alleviated the biggest weight off of me.

She told me, “you have enough time to do everything you want in this life so don’t worry about that.”

When you think about it, that’s probably the simplest phrase she could have told me. It’s basically saying everything I just said in that first paragraph. But for some reason when she said it to me, everything kind of clicked. The past year or so I’ve constantly felt this nagging in the back of my mind telling me to move faster, make decisions, start setting things into motion. But I now realize I don’t have to do that every second of every day – I don’t have to make it a source of stress for myself.

Sure you have to make decisions in order to start to figuring out what you want to do with your life, but that doesn’t have to dictate every waking moment of your day. Sometimes it’s okay to live in the present and enjoy right now – in fact it’s encouraged.

We all have enough time. I have enough time to decide what I want to make out of my life, to make sure my voice is heard and to decide which vessel I choose to make that happen. There is no need to stress my youth away by worrying about it so much. Besides, all that stress is bound to cause the early onset of wrinkles and gray hairs anyways.

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