I haven’t word vomiited in quite a while. You know, just like bleeeeeeeeeeh all over the page. For the most part, my posts have been short little updates since I usually write them in the mornings as a part of my getting ready for work routine and I think I’m going to change that. My challenge for 2013 was to post every day and I did it. I think I’m going to slightly change that for 2014. I’m still going to try to post every day but if I don’t feel particularly inspired or I feel like the post is going to be just “blah” then I’m not going to do it. Quality over quantity right?
Back to word vomiting. I started reading a new book earlier this week called The Art of Fielding. The plot loosely revolves around baseball (one of my favorite things) and got me thinking about my own past. I played softball for 10 years – an entire decade of my life. The thing I miss most about the sport isn’t even the sport itself, but the adrenaline rush I used to get when the game started. I liked not knowing what was going to happen throughout the game, but at the same time having confidence in my own ability to have control over the situation. Being a pitcher, I liked being the one who held the ball and knew that nothing was going to be set into motion until I said “go” and threw it. That adrenaline rush is what I crave again. The fire in the pit of your stomach that gets you excited and ready to run.
I need to find something like that again or I think I might just go legitimately insane. Everyone needs a period of their life to have a cool down after they’ve gone through something extreme whether it be a job or school or any other type of experience. That cool down is essential for a human being to come back to who they are and rediscover what they want. The past 10 months or so have been my cool down time. A time for me to reassess what I want, who I want to be and where I want to go. Only problem now is I’m getting a bit restless in trying to figure out my next steps.
Maybe it’s more painting, maybe it’s more writing, maybe it’s more reading, maybe it’s running away, maybe it’s staying exactly where I am, maybe I don’t know anymore. I don’t know about you but I’m feeling more 22 than ever these days. Happy, free, confused, lonely (but not really because I have a solid and stable group of friends around me) and also restless, loud, overly analytical and impulsive.